I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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