when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
