last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize