You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
