i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
