Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
