hotel room ftw
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
