Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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