she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
