It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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