you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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