had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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