I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
