when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
