Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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