Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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