You're my little dorito
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
