dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
