No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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