I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
