I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
