for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
