We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
