Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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