so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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