Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
