so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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