I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
