Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize