The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
