Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
