Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
