How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
