We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
