Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize