I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
