my vag is so smooth its legendary
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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