I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
