He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
