I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
