They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
where are my eyebrows?
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