bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize