My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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