You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
