Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
whose parrot is this?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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