Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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