Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
