Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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