I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
