$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
