Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
