here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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