Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
