My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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