Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
