Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize