i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
