Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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