Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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