That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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