I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
