They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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