You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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