it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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