Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
