Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
how drunk are you?
Several
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
