everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
