My room smells like vodka and shame
I didn't shave. On purpose
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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