I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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