Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize