I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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