I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
