i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
