My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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