Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize