wat bout pragnant strippers??
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
