I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
