I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
